Rodoric-Rennet was reported missing from his manor house on the Decharoni moon Illica early yesternight morning, when a neighbour with a questionably-intimate knowledge of his schedule noticed he had neglected to take his eight o’clock shower. A sweep of the house showed no signs of a struggle taking place, suggesting that he either left of his own volition, or that whoever abducted him did a very good job of it. 

Since those in Rodoric-Rennet’s entourage have emphatically refused to entertain any notion that he would be behind his own disappearance (and nobody wanted to spend any longer than necessary questioning them owing to the perpetual cheesy miasma that clings to their presence), the focus of the enquiry has turned to identifying potential kidnappers. Given Banbury’s award-winning mixture of eminence and arrogance, whittling down the list of likely suspects will no doubt prove to be quite the endeavour. 

In light of last cycle’s debacle, Hruskel Dellamore (CEO of Enachan Red) was brought in for questioning almost immediately… or at least, he would have been, had he not had the powerful alibi of having been in a medically-induced coma for the last three months following a catastrophic misadventure with a waxing pot. At present, all other leads are being kept closely under wraps for fear of their being found in similar situations. 

A spokesperson for the Caseicultural Institute stated (somewhat ironically) that it would be in poor taste to proceed with the competition with their president missing, though I suspect that what they really meant was that they were unable to find a suitably obnoxious replacement at such short notice. 

It would appear that somebody really doesn’t want the contest to go ahead this cycle, though quite why they’re so bothered is anyone’s guess.