You appear a little lost; why else would one engage a mysterious question mark? To that end, allow me to take the opportunity to clarify a couple of points for you.
The name’s Quentin. I’m head of Quality Assurance on board this Boundary Station, and it is therefore my sworn duty to ensure all questions, queries and concerns are addressed to the highest professional standard.
What do you want to know?
You are on board the FBS VIVAELLIPSIS; the finest vessel of the Exposition Fleet launched from Niamine 10 cycles ago, in response to our most recent cataclysm, the Colossus Tear. We occupy a region of the Meridian System known as the Yawling Twist, about a three night drive from the Coreward Worlds. And yes, we are in a dimension quite different from your own
The look on your face suggests I’ve exacerbated your confusion. I’d encourage you to enrol onto Portal Orientation: a lecture series devised by yours truly, wherein I can elaborate and elucidate beyond this cursory explanation
Newcomers are always welcome on board out station. Might I suggest some mediums by which you might bring them over?
We are here to elucidate newcomers to the peculiarities of our reality. If Portal Orientation doesn’t appeal to you, perhaps subscribing to Exposition Broadcasts would be more your speed; it’s certainly more leisurely, in any case
Over by the Dimension Gates. You walked passed them in order to come and ask me where they are
Ah, a commendable display of charitability! Allow me to deploy a remote support vendor (lest you wish to walk all the way over to the kiosk and run the risk of having to deal with that wastrel Tully):
If monetary support wasn’t what you had in mind, might you consider spreading the word about our own dimension once you return to your own? In any case, all support is appreciated equally and emphatically
Then I suggest you go back there before the absence of the NANTARIS's signature brand of mediocrity warps your mind
I am sufficiently high up the management ladder for you to be dealing with, if that's what you're getting at. Otherwise, Madam Kiara Drake is our VP, and as for the President, well... you ought not worry yourself with such matters
Queen Margot of the Catmint Queendom, Vera, has announced that she will be leaving her ancestral home of Niamark Castle before the end of the cycle, having had ‘quite enough of the monumental effort it takes to navigate the place, never mind the endless harassment one suffers on account of the bloody ghosts’.
Built sometime during the Endless Fire Epoch, the castle is the largest in the System (unless you count Zancastle, which you shouldn’t, because it’s a citadel that was named by idiots), over half of which was still unmapped at last surveyance.
Much of Niamark’s interminable history remains obscured in mystery, largely due to it’s construction being deeply rooted in the arcane. Secretscryers believe there could thousands of secrets still to be uncovered there, should anyone feel inclined to dedicate theirselves to such an obviously perilous (and likely pointless) undertaking.
Niamark has been the Queen’s seat since she ascended the throne in 34 AC (having spent her childhood in the Wilderwood), and has been a significant encumberment for her ever since. In 41 AC, a retinue of visiting dukes from the neighbouring country of Allodynia met a gruesome end when they went left at the Great Crossroads instead of right (not necessarily the tragedy it might seem, given that Allodynians are wildly masochistic — they probably loved it), and just last cycle the entire castle spontaneously rearranged itself. This was an upheaval that for many occupants was the final straw, not least the castle cartographers who had just started to make some progress.
‘Our Royal Highness sees no reason why she cannot rule the realm from the Sweeping Edge or her cottage in the Wilderwood,’ Niamark’s castellan Setivere St. Alderwit told me. ‘These days you can do almost anything remotely. Why should reigning be any different?’
When I asked what would happen to the castle once the Queen moved out, his face darkened ever so slightly, before assuring me that ‘Her Majesty needn’t worry. The castle will be well-tended in her absence — nobody knows these walls better than I. She has my word that her home will be suitably taken care of under my supervision.’
I got the distinct impression that Her Highness couldn’t care less about what happens to the castle after she leaves, though something about that castellan tells me she might want to at least keep an eye on things here once she’s gone.
• • •
If keeping pace with the periodicity of expositionary promulgation invokes in you a foreboding sense of trepidation, our scholar drones are on hand to courier missives direct to your inbox to ensure your continued edification.
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
• Portal Orientation consists of eight lectures delivered over sixteen nights
• Attendance will be monitored, and failure to attend will result in your removal from the course
• There will be prizes for those displaying a certain degree of aptitude
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
If you aren’t sure whether you’d like to commit to such an exposition-intensive experience, you may wish to view the first lecture here first to get an idea of what to expect
• Portal Orientation consists of eight lectures delivered over sixteen nights
• Attendance will be monitored, and failure to attend will result in your removal from the course
• There will be prizes for those displaying a certain degree of aptitude
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
If you aren’t sure whether you’d like to commit to such an exposition-intensive experience, you may wish to view the first lecture here first to get an idea of what to expect
Exposition Broadcasts currently consists of one email every seven nights, highlighting articles from our catalogue that will help you get to know our reality. We occasionally send additional stuff, like if something interesting happens or the Portal needs to be evacuated
Welcome aboard. The name’s Quentin, and I’m Head of Quality Assurance.
You will notice this is a very busy terminal, and it’s not uncommon for travellers to go missing. To that end, I strongly advise you sign up for Portal Orientation, as we cannot be held liable for any misfortune that may befall you on account of your own ignorance.
You have been duly advised as per standard protocol. Enjoy your stay.
You successfully entered your own email address. There won’t be any prizes for that I’m afraid, but it’s nice to know you’re at least capable of writing. The next step is to go to your inbox and confirm your sentience; you won’t be enrolled until you do.
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
You successfully entered your own email address. There won’t be any prizes for that I’m afraid, but it’s nice to know you’re at least capable of writing. The next step is to go to your inbox and confirm your sentience; you won’t be enrolled until you do.
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
