You appear a little lost; why else would one engage a mysterious question mark? To that end, allow me to take the opportunity to clarify a couple of points for you.
The name’s Quentin. I’m head of Quality Assurance on board this Boundary Station, and it is therefore my sworn duty to ensure all questions, queries and concerns are addressed to the highest professional standard.
What do you want to know?
You are on board the FBS VIVAELLIPSIS; the finest vessel of the Exposition Fleet launched from Niamine 10 cycles ago, in response to our most recent cataclysm, the Colossus Tear. We occupy a region of the Meridian System known as the Yawling Twist, about a three night drive from the Coreward Worlds. And yes, we are in a dimension quite different from your own
The look on your face suggests I’ve exacerbated your confusion. I’d encourage you to enrol onto Portal Orientation: a lecture series devised by yours truly, wherein I can elaborate and elucidate beyond this cursory explanation
Newcomers are always welcome on board out station. Might I suggest some mediums by which you might bring them over?
We are here to elucidate newcomers to the peculiarities of our reality. If Portal Orientation doesn’t appeal to you, perhaps subscribing to Exposition Broadcasts would be more your speed; it’s certainly more leisurely, in any case
Over by the Dimension Gates. You walked passed them in order to come and ask me where they are
Ah, a commendable display of charitability! Allow me to deploy a remote support vendor (lest you wish to walk all the way over to the kiosk and run the risk of having to deal with that wastrel Tully):
If monetary support wasn’t what you had in mind, might you consider spreading the word about our own dimension once you return to your own? In any case, all support is appreciated equally and emphatically
Then I suggest you go back there before the absence of the NANTARIS's signature brand of mediocrity warps your mind
I am sufficiently high up the management ladder for you to be dealing with, if that's what you're getting at. Otherwise, Madam Kiara Drake is our VP, and as for the President, well... you ought not worry yourself with such matters
Over the last several nights, reports of a terrifying presence have been flooding in from all across the Calandira Night Fields on Karabine II.
This usually picturesque valley has found itself paralysed in the jaws of an all-consuming fear, with residents from Yharida, Uirm, Vangerdale, Underset and the Andira Garden Territories all claiming to be ‘just too afraid’ to leave their houses at night (which, given that it’s always night in Calandira, poses quite the inconvenience).
Although several locals have corroborated the stories of unspeakable horrors stalking the Fields, so far none have been able to give me any kind of useful description of what exactly it is they’re being haunted by (I suppose that’s what makes said horrors unspeakable).
One gentleman, a cobbler from the outskirts of Underset, told me through a bolted window:
‘My mate Terrance, right, he said it was a hoax yeah, and there was nothing to worry about because people were just getting themselves wound up over nothing, and that he wasn’t letting a bit of paranoia get in the way of him and his midnight stroll. Well guess who hasn’t been seen since last Ionight? Yeah, that’s right, Terrance. Sorry, but the man is a goner, and serves him right too, because I told him to stay inside and wait for this to pass, but he doesn’t listen to me ever, does he, the big idiot. Anyway, you oughta get yourself inside lady, because they’ll come for you like they did Terrance, whether you think it’s a hoax or not.’
Urgo Hengerswerth, Head of the Department for Regional Catastrophes in Calandira City, was aggressively dismissive of the issue:
‘Look, these people are always looking for reasons to not do any work. In Lyra it was an unconfirmed bout of the woolies, in Selena it was an overwhelming mulworp infestation (a species you won’t even find on Karabine II outside of a domestic setting, as I’m sure you’re aware), and if I recall correctly, in Harlow it was just “a generalised miasma of demotivation”. I’m telling you, the only thing haunting these folks is the all-consuming spirit of pathological malingery.’
I have my doubts as to whether ‘the spirit of pathological malingery’ can account for the alarming roster of missing persons in the region, but then again we all remember the Incongruity Fiasco of 62, so I’ll reserve my scepticism until we know for sure what exactly it is that is truly terrorising Calandira.
• • •
If keeping pace with the periodicity of expositionary promulgation invokes in you a foreboding sense of trepidation, our scholar drones are on hand to courier missives direct to your inbox to ensure your continued edification.
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
• Portal Orientation consists of eight lectures delivered over sixteen nights
• Attendance will be monitored, and failure to attend will result in your removal from the course
• There will be prizes for those displaying a certain degree of aptitude
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
If you aren’t sure whether you’d like to commit to such an exposition-intensive experience, you may wish to view the first lecture here first to get an idea of what to expect
• Portal Orientation consists of eight lectures delivered over sixteen nights
• Attendance will be monitored, and failure to attend will result in your removal from the course
• There will be prizes for those displaying a certain degree of aptitude
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
If you aren’t sure whether you’d like to commit to such an exposition-intensive experience, you may wish to view the first lecture here first to get an idea of what to expect
Exposition Broadcasts currently consists of one email every seven nights, highlighting articles from our catalogue that will help you get to know our reality. We occasionally send additional stuff, like if something interesting happens or the Portal needs to be evacuated
Welcome aboard. The name’s Quentin, and I’m Head of Quality Assurance.
You will notice this is a very busy terminal, and it’s not uncommon for travellers to go missing. To that end, I strongly advise you sign up for Portal Orientation, as we cannot be held liable for any misfortune that may befall you on account of your own ignorance.
You have been duly advised as per standard protocol. Enjoy your stay.
You successfully entered your own email address. There won’t be any prizes for that I’m afraid, but it’s nice to know you’re at least capable of writing. The next step is to go to your inbox and confirm your sentience; you won’t be enrolled until you do.
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
You successfully entered your own email address. There won’t be any prizes for that I’m afraid, but it’s nice to know you’re at least capable of writing. The next step is to go to your inbox and confirm your sentience; you won’t be enrolled until you do.
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
