You appear a little lost; why else would one engage a mysterious question mark? To that end, allow me to take the opportunity to clarify a couple of points for you.
The name’s Quentin. I’m head of Quality Assurance on board this Boundary Station, and it is therefore my sworn duty to ensure all questions, queries and concerns are addressed to the highest professional standard.
What do you want to know?
You are on board the FBS VIVAELLIPSIS; the finest vessel of the Exposition Fleet launched from Niamine 10 cycles ago, in response to our most recent cataclysm, the Colossus Tear. We occupy a region of the Meridian System known as the Yawling Twist, about a three night drive from the Coreward Worlds. And yes, we are in a dimension quite different from your own
The look on your face suggests I’ve exacerbated your confusion. I’d encourage you to enrol onto Portal Orientation: a lecture series devised by yours truly, wherein I can elaborate and elucidate beyond this cursory explanation
Newcomers are always welcome on board out station. Might I suggest some mediums by which you might bring them over?
We are here to elucidate newcomers to the peculiarities of our reality. If Portal Orientation doesn’t appeal to you, perhaps subscribing to Exposition Broadcasts would be more your speed; it’s certainly more leisurely, in any case
Over by the Dimension Gates. You walked passed them in order to come and ask me where they are
Ah, a commendable display of charitability! Allow me to deploy a remote support vendor (lest you wish to walk all the way over to the kiosk and run the risk of having to deal with that wastrel Tully):
If monetary support wasn’t what you had in mind, might you consider spreading the word about our own dimension once you return to your own? In any case, all support is appreciated equally and emphatically
Then I suggest you go back there before the absence of the NANTARIS's signature brand of mediocrity warps your mind
I am sufficiently high up the management ladder for you to be dealing with, if that's what you're getting at. Otherwise, Madam Kiara Drake is our VP, and as for the President, well... you ought not worry yourself with such matters
So I see you’ve found your way to my little slice of hell. I apologise for the noise, you’ll get used to it… probably.
I’m afraid I must apologise for the woeful lack of information in what is supposed to be the most comprehensive database of planets in the Meridian System, but that’s what happens when the Head Curator (that’s me — Rufus Locke, OME) is the only curator. I’m not saying things were rushed, I’m just saying it’s usually courteous to give somebody time to move their things in before you go ahead with the grand opening.
For now, you’ll just have to content yourself with the spectacle of the place, because that’s all it is, a spectacle. But hey, as long as they have something of cultural significance to brag about, that looks nice but is wholly pointless otherwise, that’s all that matters. That being said, I have managed to compile a couple of records so far, and since you’ve been so understanding I’ll make sure to point them out to you, if you’re interested.
So yes, please enjoy your stay. Don’t mess around and try not to get hit by anything — Niamine packs quite a punch, let me tell you.
So you really want to know more do you? Very well. I have to say your curiosity is admirable, if a little irritating. In these carefully constructed orrery houses you will find a fairly accurate representation of all the major regions in the Meridian System.
But it’s by no means an exhaustive representation; there are many smaller landmarks within the System that were considered “too unnecessarily detailed to provide a clear sense of the major cosmological movements of the planets…” money, it all comes down to money with these people! Apparently there isn’t money in the astrocartography budget to spend on ‘frivolities’ like moons — moons!
I argued of course that we feature a full representation of the Zephran Lunarspace — lunar space — but they just dismissed it on that grounds that “everyone knows that the moons of Zephra are all basically planets anyway, they’re only moons because Zephra is ‘technically’ a planet, although if you ask us it’s rather too large to be considered within the normal parameters…” blah blah blah well no one did ask you, did they Tenris?
Did you know that Decharon has three natural satellites (Karabine II and Echo 64 don’t count because they’re planets in their own right and only orbit Decharon out of politeness), and that those satellites are collectively home to over a million people? Well you wouldn’t from coming to my orrery, would you? And that reflects back on me; it’s me who has to answer the angry questions from visitors native to the places deemed ‘too frivolous’ to include, and… ahem. Yes.
Why don’t you occupy yourself with the orbital map below while I regain my composure…
More questions? What an utter delight…
Well as much as I tried to stall, we’ve reached the inevitable point where I’m forced to admit exactly how little I’ve managed to get done.
Yes, what you see before you is the honest truth of the matter. Despite my reputation as the System’s foremost authority on astronomical phenomena, I am ashamed to admit that the sum total of my efforts has so far amounted to a single, solitary entry. When one considers the vastness of the System and the many celestial bodies that inhabit it, my ceaseless endeavours, my sleepless nights, have still yielded barely more than a drop in the archival ocean.
Now do you see why I’ve been in such a bad mood?
In what appears to be some sort of bid to truly caption my struggles, reprographics have kindly (mercilessly) procured these banner images of the different subsystems. I’d point out that they missed out half the System, except I’d rather not further impress upon myself just how much work there is to do.
The sooner they get me that assistant they promised, the better.
If you’re still here, I suppose that means you have a genuine interest in exploring the sprawling vistas of the cosmic landscape. Maybe there’s hope for you yet.
No doubt you’ve noticed my swanky StarScryer 733. Perfectly useless to me at the moment, given that I’m little more than a glorified administrator, but they insisted I drag it up here anyway. It seems they didn’t think I’d be taken seriously without a prop, so there it stands. I’ll admit that it has come in handy in clarifying a couple of observations, but I’m not telling them that.
And so instead of contemplating the great mysteries of the universe, I instead find myself largely consigned to my desk. You are welcome to ask me some (brief) questions about my personal effects, since you can learn a lot about a person from the things they surround themselves with, and I’m always in favour of learning.
Just don’t take this as an open invitation to torment with incessant prattle — I would still very much prefer it if you left me in peace, but I don’t want to appear discourteous.
If you’re still here, I suppose that means you have a genuine interest in exploring the sprawling vistas of the cosmic landscape. Maybe there’s hope for you yet.
No doubt you’ve noticed my swanky StarScryer 733. Perfectly useless to me at the moment, given that I’m little more than a glorified administrator, but they insisted I drag it up here anyway. It seems they didn’t think I’d be taken seriously without a prop, so there it stands. I’ll admit that it has come in handy in clarifying a couple of observations, but I’m not telling them that.
And so instead of contemplating the great mysteries of the universe, I instead find myself largely consigned to my desk. You are welcome to ask me some (brief) questions about my personal effects, since you can learn a lot about a person from the things they surround themselves with, and I’m always in favour of learning.
Just don’t take this as an open invitation to torment me with incessant prattle — I would still very much prefer it if you left me in peace, but I don’t want to appear discourteous.
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
Right, that’s more than enough for one day. Now be off with you, go and bother somebody else. I hear Nelecrae loves visitors, why don’t you go and treat her to the third degree?
• Portal Orientation consists of eight lectures delivered over sixteen nights
• Attendance will be monitored, and failure to attend will result in your removal from the course
• There will be prizes for those displaying a certain degree of aptitude
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
If you aren’t sure whether you’d like to commit to such an exposition-intensive experience, you may wish to view the first lecture here first to get an idea of what to expect
• Portal Orientation consists of eight lectures delivered over sixteen nights
• Attendance will be monitored, and failure to attend will result in your removal from the course
• There will be prizes for those displaying a certain degree of aptitude
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
If you aren’t sure whether you’d like to commit to such an exposition-intensive experience, you may wish to view the first lecture here first to get an idea of what to expect
Exposition Broadcasts currently consists of one email every seven nights, highlighting articles from our catalogue that will help you get to know our reality. We occasionally send additional stuff, like if something interesting happens or the Portal needs to be evacuated
Welcome aboard. The name’s Quentin, and I’m Head of Quality Assurance.
You will notice this is a very busy terminal, and it’s not uncommon for travellers to go missing. To that end, I strongly advise you sign up for Portal Orientation, as we cannot be held liable for any misfortune that may befall you on account of your own ignorance.
You have been duly advised as per standard protocol. Enjoy your stay.
You successfully entered your own email address. There won’t be any prizes for that I’m afraid, but it’s nice to know you’re at least capable of writing. The next step is to go to your inbox and confirm your sentience; you won’t be enrolled until you do.
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
You successfully entered your own email address. There won’t be any prizes for that I’m afraid, but it’s nice to know you’re at least capable of writing. The next step is to go to your inbox and confirm your sentience; you won’t be enrolled until you do.
Your privacy is very dear to us. You can eyeball the terms of our privacy policy here. And of course, you can unsubscribe whenever you want to
